A list of things for Johnny Damon to do now that he's a stinking Yankee, from the Daily News:

# Shave and a haircut: Sorry Johnny, beards and long hair are not allowed in Bronx. If you don't believe it, ask your new hitting coach Don Mattingly.

# Cut a deal with Bubba Crosby: Not only are you taking his job, he has your No. 18, too. Don't worry, he comes cheap. A free copy of your book might do the trick.

# Get to know Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano: Since you can barely reach second base from the outfield, you'll be doing plenty of business with your two cutoff men.

# Avoid Gary Sheffield: You're now the newest high-paid Yankee. He won't be happy.

# Adjust to the roll call: When Yankee fans start chanting your name now, you can wave to them instead of covering your ears.

# Adjust to the "roll call" you'll get in Boston: There's nothing they hate in Boston more than Yankees, except former Sox who become Yankees.

# Put the World Series ring in storage: Nobody in the Bronx wants to see it, except maybe A-Rod.

# Come up with a new nickname: Sure, they may be idiots for giving you $52 million, but don't rub it in.

# Produce: If you don't get off to a good start, Yankee fans will be calling for Bernie Williams before mid-April.