nfl preview... afc

afc west is tough. tougher than people think. but ALWAYS BET AGANIST AARON BROOKS. always. he threw backwards in a game. how does a professional quarterback get so confused as to throw backwards? denver is good, and yes, jake plummer makes a fan grab their tums. and san diego and phil rivers, he's young, he's inexperienced. and he will ride ladainian tomlinson. kansas city has herm edwards. great speeches and still, where's the defense? i hope it's there because larry johnson is the crux of my fantasy team, and he won't run in blowouts. shoot. i'll go broncos 1st, chiefs 2nd, chargers 3rd, raiders... poor art shell.

afc central, i mean north-- also tough. the ravens have a real qb. if they can score a touchdown a game they're a playoff team. that's how bad kyle boller is. the browns will take it on the chin. often. in the cold, in the heat, in domes and on grass. we will cry for charlie frye. ben roethlisberger will look more like a quarterback but is willie parker that good? the defense will kick tail. cincinnati is kind of... great? who ever thought we might say that? i don't love rudi johnson, though. and i think the defense will get better. i call cincinnati 1st, pittsburgh 2nd, ravens 3rd, browns last.

afc south, well, i love david carr. and i will stop right there because everything i say will be biased. i think the texans knock someone off. i think the titans might be embarrassingly bad. the colts will beat the giants. who's the other team? i mean it, who is the other team?? jacksonville. you know what? everything has been very straightforward so this division, i will flip up my prognosticating. colts will come first. they're ready. the texans take second. they won't suck. david carr will go a whole game without tasting turf. he'll be so perturbed he'll start grazing in his backyard. the actionville jaguars might take third. or second. i like matt jones. i liked him in college, that guy has some TALENT. and the defense has some talent too. the titans are no good. 1st colts, 2nd jaguars, texans a close third, and the titans will be playing vince young.

afc east, well, the jets... give them a week to see how bad they are. the bills are really bad, i think, but no one seems to agree. the miami dollfaces are a surprise in the making. put some cash on them. 6 game win streak at the end of the year with gus frerotte. and the patriots... they're such a sure thing i'm putting them 2nd. then again, i don't believe in daunte's knee. so i guess new england patsies 1st, miami 2nd, jets 3rd, bills 4th. jp losman is unconvincing.

football preview... nfc

nfc east is an asswhuppin'. but i don't think the cowboys are that great (drew bledsoe is like a passing machine-- the ball goes far and yet he doesn't move). The giants have high hopes, a solid offense, and a qb who didn't come to their playoff game. i love the eli, i have him on my fantasy team, but i'm just saying... and lavar arrington, if he's up for the job, should make the defense something to shit one's pants about. and the redskins are playing mark brunell and that's embarrassing. no matter what they say, no matter how great joe gibbs is, mark brunell touches the ball every play. he. will. break. the eagles have done it for years. do you know how? me neither. i pick the giants first (i'm a homer), cowtools 2nd, redskins 3rd, eagles 4th.

remember the nfc central is sad and maybe brett farve should be doing celebrity charity events. i think they will run the ball and look decent, and give up a lot of points on defense. brett is good for a 7 interception game and lots of retrospectives. the vikings are not so bad. but not so good. brad johnson should be doing celebrity charity events. i think they're have a shot to win that division. they don't suck and don't they have that hutchinson guy and the birk guy on the offensive line? everyone picks the bears to win the divsion and i say, "on what grounds?! rex effing grossman?" rex grossman. who went to florida. florida quarterbacks never win. rex grossman should be doing rock the vote events. he's a good looking fella... and the lions, they have Matt Millen, who should be doing charity eating events. then again, there is mike martz as offensive coordinator. oh, it's the nfc north? whatever. vikings 1st, bears 2nd, lions and packers, you guys mudwrestle for the 1st pick. my bet's on the packers. who are the good ass college quarterbacks again? with the first pick in the draft, the packers pick... brady quinn!

nfc south: michael vick is NOT that good. he's not. remember that. he hasn't mastered that whole passing thing. the carolina panthers are a damn good team, the saints' drew brees will see the superdome roof a lot, and tampa will surprise, even though chris simms will lose a game for them and win a game for them. it's a wash. so panthers 1st, trampa 2nd, hotlanta 3rd, and those hapless saints... the hapless saints.

nfc west... i don't believe in the seahawks but i think the other teams have some flaws. huge flaws. as in, they can't quite play football. the rams have the receivers and the running back, and bulger has some good games, but can he survive in a normal, balanced offense? and where's the defense? i keep expecting the cardinals to put a kicking on someone. and they never do. i do expect some improvement but edgerrin james will be picking up his gold teeth from that new field's retractable grass turf. never discount norvelous norv turner's offense in san francisco, but if that alex smith didn't scare every fan who likes the niners... i call park slope west seahawks 1st (a very very close call, not surprised if they don't win the division), the rams 2nd, the cactus cards 3rd (with cardiac games), and the niners will be mining for crisp, close losses.